And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Randomize
