i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
