if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
