hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize