woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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