We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
