He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
