I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
