good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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