I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
