hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
