You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize