i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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