I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
