I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
