Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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