We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
