listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
