My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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