i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
