I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
