I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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