Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
