I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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