She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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