maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize