I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
