what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bring me that man meat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
