no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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