ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
