Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
