Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
