He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
