WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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