I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
