Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
