she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
