im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
