Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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