Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need a burrito and a hug.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
