I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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