Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
