I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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