everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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