got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
