I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
