i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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