I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want nice things and good sex
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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