This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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