What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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