My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
