I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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