he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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