I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
