He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize