I showed him my bush... on skype.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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