Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
