It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
