i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Someone came in the potted fern
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
