everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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