I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All the doctor said was why
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
