Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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